Step by step guide to throwing a bridal shower

Your best friend is getting married. You want to help make this a special time in her life, and one of the things you'd like to help with is planning a bridal shower. But you're a little nervous Put away your misgivings, experts say. Planning a wedding shower that will be remembered
with pleasure does not have to be difficult if you keep a few tips in mind.

When: A wedding shower can take place two months to two weeks before the wedding.

Where: Private homes, restaurants, condo or apartment clubhouses all are popular choices.

Who: Usually the maid of honor or close friends do the honors of hosting the bridal shower. Family members, such as sisters or mother-in-laws, traditionally do not host the showers since it can be viewed as self-serving.

Must haves: Designate a person to record all gifts and who gave them. This is so the bride and groom can properly thank givers by promptly sending a thank you card. It is also appropriate to give each attendee a bridal shower favor or a unique momentos such as a heart-shaped soap favor scented with rosemary or scented votive candles.

Who to invite: Close friends, family, coworkers of the bride and groom and church or congregation members can shower good wishes on the couple. Don't invite everyone on the wedding guest list to the shower -- it should be personal. A good rule of thumb is creating a list of people you'd invite to a close birthday party.

How the event unfolds: Set aside about two hours for the event. Greet guests and serve light appetizers. After most guests have arrived, go around the room and have guests introduce themselves and say how they know the bride and groom. Play three or four shower games, if desired. Break for refreshments and other incidentals. Open gifts. Host should thank departing
guests individually.

Tips for picking out a florist

It's hard to imagine a wedding without flowers. They add a special touch of beauty and fragrance to the event that complements the overall style and color scheme. But before you begin making up bouquets of roses and lillies, you must invest time in choosing a quality florist. Here are some tips from the experts.

• Family and friends are excellent sources for recommending florists. If
  you've admired the flowers at a friend's wedding, request the name of her
  florist.
  
  
• The role of the florist is to demystify the whole experience. But there
  must be a level of trust.
  
  
• The bride should allow them to use their discretion when it comes to
  choosing the right flowers.
  
  
• The florist you choose should help you work within your price range as
  well.
  
  

Once you've come to a decision, go over the details with him or her. Your florist should also visit your church and reception, site with you to discuss the most visually effective floral arrangements. It also helps to have a swatch of the fabric you're planning to use, so that you can choose flowers to accent the look.

Preserving your bouquet

Bridal bouquets represent the loveliest expression a bride will make on her wedding day. It may be one of the few memories that is important enough to preserve and display prominently in your home throughout your marriage.

Experts say that a bride's bouquet can be a source of supply for many different interesting home accents. If choosing to keep it intact, some form of preservation is essential to keep it from crumbling; freeze-drying being the best solution. Silica preservation can also work reasonably well, although flowers will take on more of a dried floral appearance with this method.

Once preserved, these complete bouquets can be encased in glass to be further enjoyed, possibly hanging on the wall or even placed in a dust-free spot like a china cabinet. Broken apart, it can become part of a floral arrangement, suitable for a dining table, hall or anywhere else in a home.

Or, the flowers can be made into a garland or swag wall hanging, or even a wreath.

68% of couples still prefer white wedding

A white wedding in church is still the most popular way of tying the knot although costs have shot up significantly in just one year, according to a new survey.

Despite the growth in unusual venues from ballrooms to rollercoasters the majority of couples still prefer to keep their big day traditional. The poll in Wedding & Home magazine found A majority of couples, 68 percent, still prefer walking up a church aisle compared with 90 percent 10 years ago.

More and more are opting to complete the traditional look with a white wedding. Trendy outfits are rejected by 88 percent of brides, a 20 percent leap on last year. But while brides splash out up to $860 on a new dress their husbands-to-be are most likely to spend a tenth of that on hiring morning dress.

Flowers should be simple but elegant

Just as wedding gown fashions have become increasingly elegant and simple, the bridal bouquets seem to be matching the trend.

A small, tighly knit bouquet compliments a simple a-line dresses, while a large cascade of roses is more fitting to a bride wearing tule.

For Karin Kissler, who's been designing bridal bouquets for more than 20 years, it helps to understand the tone of the wedding when selecting flowers. However, if the bride doesn't have a clear idea of what she wants, she tries to draw her out. "I can show her flowers that might go best with what she's wearing. The best flowers are available in March and April. Those are spring flowers, and not as expensive,'' she says.

This year, Kissler has been designing more round nosegays, with simple looks such as all roses instead of cascading flowers. She will tie them together with a satin ribbon, sometimes with exposed stems. "Often brides bring me sashes off the bridesmaids' dresses,'' she said.

In addition to the bridal bouquet, flowers need to be designed for the wedding party. "You need bride and attendants' (bouquets), boutineers for all the men who are doing anything, from ringbearers to grandfathers to ministers. You need corsages for the women, altar arrangements, pew bows and aisle runners,'' says Kissler.

Whatever flowers you plan for your wedding, plan ahead. This means at least one month in advance, and often brides will begin looking at books and gathering ideas three to four months ahead.

Flowers have to be ordered, special ribbons have to coordinate with dresses, and, according to Kissler, some weddings take her a full week to prepare for. "I'll order my flowers more than one week in advance. I'll start making my bows ahead,'' she said.

When choosing flowers for the altar arrangement, which can also be used at the reception, kissler suggests picking flowers that will show up in a photograph. "Any memory you have is in the photograph,'' she said. Another memory that can be preserved is the bride's bouquet. Kissler often makes a smaller bouquet for the bride to toss at the end of the reception, so that she can keep the main one.

Personalizing your wedding is sew simple

Every bride wants her wedding to be unique -- why else would some couples agree to profess their love on the crest of a roller coaster. Fortunately, you don't have to go to this extreme to personalize your nuptials. With a bit of ingenuity, a can-do attitude and the proper tools, even ceremonies steeped in tradition can be tailor--made.

For instance, many brides select a motif and stick with it from shower decorations to the icing on the wedding cake, says Nina Kay Mileneus, a sewing expert and recent bride. Perhaps a lovely monogram is selected -- something very elegant and practical for beyond the special day. With one of today's computerized sewing and professional embroidery machines and a simple touch of a button, the bride-to-be can stitch this monogram on everything from table linens to her garter. Mileneus did just that. She picked-up on a floral design from her mother-in-law's very delicate, antique veil.

"So much of the entire wedding process is focused on the bride and her family. I wanted my mother-in-law to feel equally as special. Besides, I loved the idea of integrating a part of her past into the day that marks the beginning of our future," says Mileneus.

She coupled her sewing machine with her PC and special sewing software, the Husqvarna Embroidery Pro Customizing system, to scan the design and then embroider the floral motif on her modern-day gown, napkins, table toppers, ring bearer's pillow and even the dresses she made for the flower girls' dolls.

If flowers and monograms are not your thing, don't worry. Most all of these dream sewing machines offer libraries of designs featuring every imaginable category from fly fishing -- for the bride who wants to let her husband know "Nothing will change once we're married" -- to religious symbols and traditional doves.

Consider these possibilities to make your wedding planning hassle-free and your wedding day truly special all while sticking to your budget.

• Purchase linen guest towels from a discount department store then embroider your selected motif in one corner. Give these delicate treasures as gifts to friends and relatives who host pre-wedding parties and showers.
  
• Need a guest book? Use scrap fabric from your wedding gown or perhaps one of grandmother's heirloom table runners to cover an inexpensive journal. Trim it with matching lace and of course add your theme design.
  
• Make a wine bottle wrap from a fabric triangle trimmed with your embroidered motif. Add the happy couple's monogram. Then stitch a buttonhole in one corner to slip the opposite corner through to secure the wrap around the bottle.
  
• Present bridesmaids with a gift they can use the day of the wedding and treasure for years to come. Create an elegant envelope or Victorian-look drawstring bag embellished with your theme.
  
• An easy to assemble project, and a really unique accent, is a fabric sconce inviting any number of decorative options including the wedding's theme motif. Fill with long stemmed wild flowers for the bridesmaids to carry or as pew decorations.
  

Creative wrapping tips for shower gifts

You're pressed for time, yet you still want to show you care creatively and fashionably. It's easy. Use these pointers from American Greetings to ensure your gift is received with a smile.

• Be different and wrap one half of a present in one design and the other half in a complementing solid paper. Attach a solid bow that brings everything all together.
  
  
  
• Inexpensive items and things you can find around the house can become creative package decorations. For example, ball up a piece of ice cream-colored tissue paper and nestle your scoop into an ice cream cone -- the perfect topping for a package wrapped in ice cream-patterned paper or a gift for an ice cream lover.
  
  
• Attach something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue. A lovely piece of old lace, tied with a blue ribbon and topped with a shiny new penny, is certain to catch the eye of the bride-to-be.
  
  
• Mix two different complementing colors of tissue to top off gift bags. Attach a bow or a package decoration to make this very easy wrap extra special.
  
  
• Wrapping gifts in unexpected ways adds to the fun of the occasion. Roll golf balls in a cylinder of golf-themed wrapping paper, tied at each end and between each ball with curling ribbon. Curl the ribbon with a pair of scissors.
  
  
• When giving a gift for the kitchen, such as a blender or mixer, attach color-coordinating measuring cups or spoons to tie in with your gift.
  
  
• Fresh flowers make great present-toppers on any occasion. Stick with solid color wraps that complement, rather than compete with, your ensemble.
  
  
• Add a fan fold for special occasions. Cut a section of wrap and fold in half diagonally. Fold into a fan and tie or tape the fan to your gift.
  
  
• Draw out the anticipation of a gift-giving occasion by delivering the gift scavenger-hunt-style, having the recipient follow clues on a series of notes to lead him or her to the present.
  

Butterfly kisses for the new mister and missus

Miranda and Jim Merril wanted something spectacular for their wedding -- a special touch their guests would never forget. The couple, who hail from Evergreen, Colorado, decided to release butterflies as they walked down the isle of their outdoor wedding.

"It was the most uplifting moment of the ceremony," Miranda recalls. "I'd recommend it in an instant."

Why butterflies? Throwing rice is out because it's bad for birds. Balloons are not good for the environment. And everybody's doing those little bottles of soap bubbles or disposable cameras at the reception.

Miranda, like many brides today, opted to purchase the butterflies at her wedding from a butterfly farm she found on the Internet. The company sent the butterflies individually in small triangular boxes with air holes. The insects arrived in chrysalid form and were timed to hatch inside the boxes two to three days before the wedding. At the ceremony, ushers handed each guest a box with instructions to open it at a specific time.

"It was expensive," she says, "but the pictures were amazing."

Wedding programs for interfaith couples

Wedding programs are fast becoming a tradition as common as Jordan almonds and blowing bubbles at the end of a ceremony. Plain or fancy, short or long, they are as welcomed by wedding guests as the playbill at the theater.

The programs, which can be made by a printer or a home publishing program, announce the order of the service and explain the meaning of the ceremony's religious rituals has become a popular courtesy. Artistically designed, the program also becomes a lovely keepsake of this special event.

Wedding consultant Hope Fromson says the use of programs has been common at church weddings for a long time. As more Jews encountered them at their non-Jewish friends' weddings, they started requesting Fromson's help in designing programs for their own nuptials.

"The program is a nice touch - to welcome guests and help them understand the service they will be witnessing," says Fromson. "It is especially helpful at an interfaith ceremony when the couple has incorporated rituals drawn from different religious traditions."

Two years ago, Shaker Heights native Audrey Lewis, a Jew, married Dan Ernst, who was raised Catholic. Although their ceremony was not religious, it took place under a chuppah and concluded with the Jewish custom of breaking a glass. The couple wanted their guests to have a program that would explain these traditions to those who were unfamiliar with them.

"All the weddings Audrey and Dan had been attending had programs, so they wanted one, too," says Audrey's mother, Cheryl. "Also, they had a very large bridal party - seven bridesmaids, seven ushers, four flower girls and a ring bearer - and they wanted to identify these people."

The program the couple wrote named each member of their wedding party and noted his or her relationship to the couple. It described the Jewish wedding traditions and identified the musical selections played during the ceremony. Audrey designed the one-page program on a computer, adding a decorative border that matched the wedding invitation.

Another interfaith couple, Laurie Heiser and Neal Robinson, who were married in July, had a Reform Jewish ceremony. For the benefit of Neal's Christian family and their non-Jewish guests, the couple's program included an explanation of the significance of the chuppah, the ketubah, the kiddush, and the breaking of the glass. They dedicated the program to Neal's father who had passed away two years earlier.

On the last page of the program, Laurie and Neal wrote a note welcoming their guests and thanking their parents. The four-page program, printed on white stationery, was embellished with a tiny silk daisy on the cover, echoing the colors of the wedding.

Photography tips and traps

Following are some tips to heed and traps to avoid when working with a wedding photographer:

• Hire a full-time working professional photographer.
  
• Meet the photographer and see his work. Never agree to a contract over the telephone.
  
• Don't assume anything. Somp people say, 'I assumed all professional photographers were the same.' But they are not, and you can't do it again if the photographer doesn't get it right.
  
• Not many brides ask the photographer's advice. "I've been in this business 20 years and could offer some suggestions, but few people say, 'What do you think? What is your opinion?" one seasoned veteran says.
  
• Stay away from photographers who want total control and who will only shoot pictures a certain way. I knew a photographer who would only shoot horizontally. Some will only take the shots on their list and no others, or only shoot a certain number of rolls of film. Rules like that are ridiculous in the creative process.
  

Create a lasting sentiment with rosemary favors

For centuries, rosemary has been a fragrant and lasting symbol of remembrance. Now, The Rosemary Company, is bringing the tradition back to the United States. The company sells Rosemary favors, candles, and botanicals on their website.

Judy Cheney, owner of The Rosemary Company, says that when she was researching the herb she found that the tradition dated back to the Greeks and Romans who used rosemary in their weddings. "In traditions dating back centuries, she says, sprigs of rosemary were dipped in gold, tied with a ribbon, and presented to wedding guests. It symbolized that, although the bride and groom were leaving their friends and family to start a new life, they would never forget their loved ones."

Legend has it, Cheney continues, that "a bride who gave her husband a sprig to hold on their wedding night would ensure that he remained faithful."

"It just has a really nice sentiment behind it," she continues. "That is one of the reasons that it is so popular. People who are getting married are in an especially sentimental, emotional, and meaningful time in their life. And this is one way to convey that feeling to their guests."

Rosemary sachets are a practical wedding favor, too. "It's easy for guests to take with them. It's not going to melt if it’s 90 degrees. Guys like to put under the seat of car to make it smell good, and women can use them in their lingerie drawer."

Cheney also says that the favors are affordable, costing about 95 cents apiece.

The company is also selling a unique favor for bridal showers: Bridal shower soap, scented in Rosemary, of course. "We thought this was a perfect idea," says Cheney. "It's an inexpensive item that brings meaning to these special occasions."

Couples tie the knot and jump the broom

African-American brides and grooms might want to incorporate an ancient "broom jumping" tradition into their wedding. The ceremony affirms the new couple's union and their future together.

"Everything on the broom is symbolic," says Nancy Winslow, curator of an African heritage museum. The broom handle represents God or the creator; the straws, countless numbers of ancestors; and the binding, newlyweds' ties to family, church and community.

Jumping the broom, she continued, is "not an African tradition. It is an African-American tradition rooted in the South. In some parts of Senegal, what they'd do is take small pieces of cloth and tie it around the broom handle."

Once guests have shared their affirmations, the couple holds onto the broom together and starts to sweep into a circle. "To do this, you have to be in one accord," she notes.

"They're making the jump. But we have to have our hearts in the right place," Winslow explains. "We want them to jump over the broom together. Jumping over the broom is a leap of faith."

The concept behind the broom is also to build an heirloom that can be passed down from one generation to another.

Brides are looking for distinctive touches

Everyone in your circle of friends likely goes to the same weddings, so it makes sense you want to strive to make yours different. And within certain religious or ethnic groups, there may be many similarities with the same traditions followed from wedding to wedding.

But there are many small ways to add that special something that makes a big impression, and it doesn't necessarily mean money. Experts say its more a matter of creativity and the relationship between the elements of a wedding.

The event as a whole makes more of an impact, as opposed to all the small components examined one by one. The co-relation between the striking bridal bouquet and the table centre, or a recurring image from an invitation being repeated on the guest book is what makes the lasting impressions.

Here are ideas for adding unique touches to your wedding:

• Create a wedding time capsule to preserve memories, filling it with memorabilia from the day and year of the marriage, to be open on a special anniversary in the future
  
• As an alternative to a guest book, have guests sign a large heavy duty square of paper, which can later be framed and hung on a wall to admire.
  
• Rather than use a guest book that will sit in the closet and collect dust, get them to sign heavy picture matting that will later be used around a wedding photos. Or, guests could sign a designated tablecloth, which the couple can use for years when entertaining.
  
• Wedding favours given to guests to take home are an excellent way to create a lasting impression. Candles are a romantic and inexpensive gift that can be tied with ribbon or decorated with tulle; potpourri to scent drawers and wardrobes can be given away in decorative cones, pretty boxes or sachets; fans are a dainty gift and can be decorated with fresh or silk flowers or ribbons; and chocolate coffee spoons have also emerged as a recent favourite.
  
• Bells are a great giveaway for guests to ring at the reception as a cue for the couple to share a kiss. They can be adorned with some ribbon and a card attached, with a poem explaining their purpose and commemorating the day.
  
• For a touching thank you, write a poem expressing your feelings about your wedding day and thanking your guests for making it so special.
  
• Another new trend is to have a photo tree, which doubles as a decoration for your reception and later serves as party favours. Appoint someone to take an instant photo of guests as they arrive at the reception. Hang them with ribbon on decorative tree branches in a large urn or pot. Have your host later announce that each guest can find their photo on the "photo tree" and take it home at the end of the celebration to remember the day by.
  
• A small picture frame can make a perfect place card holder, as well as a charming favour that guests can use after the event to display a small photo in.
  
• Candy wedding favours, like lollipops with personalized wrappers or favourite Valentine conversations hearts, are also becoming increasingly popular.
  
• Designer heart-shaped rice that is environmentally friendly and safe for birds and animals can be thrown. Or, instead of throwing birdseed, have guests blow colourful bubbles. Individual sized plastic bottles can be decorated with beads, flowers and lace, or can come capped with plastic novelty shapes like flowers and churches.
  
• To include children of new blended families in the ceremony, give each member a new family medallion.
  
• Gifts for attendants can be non-traditional, too. Sought-after tickets to concerts or sporting events are thoughtful and useful presents. Monogrammed robes are also unique and handy for wedding preparation. Gift certificates for massage can make all of the wedding party members a bit more relaxed.
  
• Frame a poem for your parents as a thank-you gift, or make a movie of your and your fiance's lives.
  
• Use the line of a poem or song that means something to you as a couple to personalize your invitations.
  

Flowers tell the story of your wedding

Florists say that planning a wedding is like telling a story. Flowers are the artistic touches that set the tone for the way the story unfolds. Brides who have a long cascade of flowers, like Princess Diana, create an opulent drama for the day. Likewise, brides who choose a simple rosebud bouquet set a tone of elegance by their simplicity.

For today's bride, that story seems to be set in the past as many seek a simple, more classic look not just for their gowns, but for the flowers that will accent them. Experts say most brides today want a nosegay bouquet,often with a mixture of colors.

Some brides have firmly planted ideas about which flowers to use. But for those willing to experiment, florists can create a colorful mix using flowers like calla lilies, gerbera daisies, spray roses, cymbidium orchids, stargazer lilies and cattleya orchids. Still others prefer the rose. Nearly 75% of brides will feature this lovely flower in their bouquets.

Financial good sense

With the wedding season well underway, many couples are turning their attention from catering plans and invitation lists to life after the honeymoon. Unfortunately, for most couples heading down the aisle this year, planning the wedding may end up being easier than planning their financial future.

Financial planners at Harris Bank are urging couples to take time during their engagement to discuss how finances will affect their future plans. More than 1,163,000 couples filed for divorce in 1997, the most recent year statistics are available, and disagreements over finances played a key role. Surveys indicate that more than 70 percent of couples do not discuss finances before marriage.

Financial planners agree that money is one of the most difficult topics for couples to discuss because the way personal finances are managed can reveal a great deal about an individual's values and goals. Having discussions about spending habits, debt and budgets even before the
engagement stage can save couples a lot of difficulty when the honeymoon's over.

"Money causes problems in marriage because it indicates where our real values lie," said Skip Gianopulos, vice president of financial planning services and head of one of the country's most comprehensive financial planning groups. "Successful financial planning comes down to one of the hallmarks of a stable marriage -- honesty. Couples have problems when one person is trying to hide something from the other, so full financial disclosure between partners is always the right way to begin."

The money management habits of most people are strongly influenced by the way their parents saved and spent money. Most people fall into two categories: those who spend and those who save.

"Couples planning to marry should write down their individual financial goals and prioritize them," said Gianopulos. "Then they should discuss what financial goals they have in common and build on them. After that, everything becomes a matter of negotiation and compromise, much like the marriage itself."

After comparing priorities, short- and long-term goals should be determined. Short-term goals could include anything from saving for vacations and a new car, to buying a computer or buying a piece of furniture. Long-term goals may include purchasing a home or allocating money
for college tuition. Income can be set aside for each set of goals by establishing a plan.

Gianopulos suggests that newlyweds establish a "spending plan" rather than a budget. The spending plan should take into consideration established monthly expenses to be paid for from a joint account to which both partners contribute.

After deducting money allocated for retirement, designate money for rent/mortgage, utilities, car payments and other expenses that must be paid every month; set money aside for short- and long-term financial goals, and money that will be discretionary.

"It's also very important that both partners have their own bank accounts and money to retain some of their personal spending freedom," he said.

According to Gianopulos, "rainy day" and "sunshine" funds also should be established for emergencies and adventures. "It's always nice to take a spur- of-the-moment trip and not have to worry about it having a detrimental effect on your finances for months to come."

Gianopulos also suggested three ways that couples can protect themselves in case of tragedy:

• Consult with the employer's human resources representative to make
  sure that the beneficiary designations are correct on your employee benefits
  such as life insurance, pension plans and 401(k) plan.
  
  
• Change beneficiary designations on your IRA accounts and other life
  insurance policies.
  
  
• See a lawyer to have wills drafted. These can be very simple at
  first, but they are very important, especially if there are children from
  previous marriages, inheritances or trust powers to be handled.
  

Do-it-yourself weddings save a bundle

It's no secret that weddings are big business. Gowns and bridesmaid's dresses alone account for more than $1.3 billion changing hands yearly, according to Individual Investor magazine. But while a gown becomes top priority approximately five seconds after a woman says "yes," there are countless other details to consider. Unless a couple is independently wealthy or pays strict attention to the mounting costs, impending nuptials can lead to impending debt.

Fortunately, the do-it-yourself concept that raised an entire industry, from hardware conglomerates like Home Depot to lifestyle guru's like Martha Stewart, is a viable solution for controlling wedding costs. Adding personal touches to the affair is an affordable way to design an elegant wedding.

"It (the do-it-yourself approach) is important, which is why we have more than gown patterns in our bridal line," says Emily Cohen, manager of education and promotion for McCall's Pattern Company. McCall's offers a veil package (#2057) with eight designs plus a pattern for accessories (#2058) includes a ring bearer's pillow, shoe clips, floral arrangements and gift ideas. Cohen suggests the bride use leftover lace from her gown to make various accessories; it saves on expenses and ties the whole theme together.

A truly memorable ceremony is one that reflects you and your future spouses' individual taste and is not a cookie cutter event struggling to include all the trappings. Taking control of the details and relying on your own talent will allow you, as a couple, to set a realistic budget and actually meet it. In many cases, you can also enlist skilled friends and family members.

Sue Hausmann, senior vice president of consumer motivation and education for Viking Sewing Machines Inc., and her husband Herb worked together on their future daughter-in-law's wedding gown. After the bride-to-be presented them with a magazine clipping of a dress she liked, Herb set to work using PC software from Husqvarna Viking and created a-one-of-a-kind embroidery for the waistband of the dress and her veil. Sue then constructed the gown, adapting the sleeves to give the bride exactly what she had envisioned.

"The gown will become a family heirloom and the fact I was able to embroider the accents allows me to contribute to its heritage as well," says Herb Hausmann.

Whether you and your husband-to-be passions are sewing, flower arranging or calligraphy, there are a myriad of ways to incorporate the do-it-yourself (or do-it-with-loved ones) concept into creating a cost-effective wedding to remember.

Consider the following:

• First things first. Pick a date other than the second Saturday in June. In all likelihood, the more popular dates will run into higher costs for halls, musicians, photographers and caterers. A weekday in the winter or even a Friday evening in the summer could translate into significant discounts.
  
  
• It's inviting. Take a course in calligraphy and design your own announcements, shower invitations and thank you notes.
  
  
• An intimate affair. Is it really necessary that you include the new girl in accounting or the guy that details your fiancee's car? Pare down your invitation list and share the day with those closest to the two of you.
  
  
• Timing is everything. Lunch menus at hotels and banquet halls are generally less expensive than dinner menus. Why not have a mid-morning wedding with an afternoon luncheon? Your honeymoon could start that much sooner.
  
  
• Take advantage of that green thumb. You won't be able to spend the evening before your wedding making bouquets, but nowhere is it written that you can't supply your own flowers. There is endless potential in a spring bulb garden, a lilac bush or even ferns and ivy. And while you may want a full bouquet, a single iris or lily works beautifully for attendants. For a fall wedding, consider pumpkins and colorful leaves as table decorations. Be creative.
  
  
  
• Something borrowed. Don't take this tradition lightly. Family treasures including cake toppers, champagne flutes, jewelry or even a veil depending on its condition not only saves money, they add a touch of sentiment to the affair.
  
  
• Consider a local college. Universities can be a virtual gold mine of talent. Many aspiring photographers, musicians and singers will jump at the chance for real-life experience and charge less than professionals.
  
  
• Constructive thinking. Today's wedding gowns are predominately clean-line silhouettes with touches of embellishment. A sprinkling of pearls or embroidered sash is trim enough for a sophisticated look. Translation: there's very little keeping you from constructing your own gown or having one made. Computerized sewing machines with embroidery capabilities, like the mid-priced Husqvarna Viking Rose, enable you to design or select specific embroideries to grace not only your gown, but also every element of your wedding. On her web site, www.bridal.com, Alicyn Wright, bridal designer for McCall's Pattern Company shares information on selecting fabrics, construction and appropriate styles for individual figure types, as well as tips for making each one of the McCall's patterns she designed.
  
  
• Sew much more. Once the machine is set up, consider personalizing gifts such as linen guest towels for the wedding party. Cover an inexpensive journal with scraps from your gown to serve as a guest book. Create an envelope purse or Victorian-look drawstring bag to elegantly carry a few bridal essentials. The ring bearer's pillow, the garter, even the flower's girl dress can be made, again carrying the same embellishments accenting your
  dress, instead of purchased for a significant savings.
  

Heading to the altar for a second wedding?

When Beth Reed Ramirez, a sales and marketing professional who lives in Anaheim, Calif., was planning her second wedding, she had a difficult time finding information for women like her.

While there are hundreds of publication dedicated to brides and grooms, she says in here opening essay: "I discovered, much to my dismay, that they offered very little for the soon-to-be-40, not-a-size-6 encore bride like me," she writes in her magazine's opening essay.

Bride Again has photos of ladies in white and stories on fashion and beauty (such as "The Fountain of Youth" and "Ageless Beauty Tips"). But it also delves into etiquette, finance and legal issues. Can an encore bride-to-be have a shower if she had one for her first wedding? (Yes, says BA, but don't expect gifts from guests who were there the first time around.) Other deep dish: combining two households, writing your own pre-nups and considering the kids.

Bridal budgets: average wedding costs $19,000

Last year, newlyweds spent an average of $19,000 on everything from their engagement ring to the honeymoon, according to Brides magazine. Such averages can be misleading, however, since every wedding carries the signature of its bride and groom. Where one couple might skimp on flowers and food and put most of the $19,000 into music and favors for 300, another could serve 50 first-class and save the rest for a trip to Jamaica.

"Some brides don't care about anything but the (disc jockey)," said one wedding consultant. "What I've found is that what couples decide to invest in says a lot about who they are as a couple."

Here's how some couples set priorities for a wedding day that would set the tone for a happy lifetime together:

Alecia Parker and John Jewitt

• Big day: Jan. 2, 1999
  
• Budget: $ 5,500
  
• Guiding philosophy: Simple elegance
  

With six members of the grooms family traveling to the wedding from his home country of England, the couple wanted to showcase cultural traditions of both nations. Keeping the wedding small helped to keep the British-American representation in check. Holding the wedding and reception at the James Brice House fit the bill, not only for its Colonial American significance, but also be cause Ms. Parker - an employee of the Historic Annapolis Foundation - was able to rent it at a discount.

Bridal bargains: The No. 1 moneysaver was the fact that Ms. Parker's brother volunteered to cater the event, followed closely by the fact that the couple kept their guest list to 50. A friend designed the floral arrangements using seasonal flora from her front yard. The couple opted for a $ 650 photography package with fewer photographs and smaller prints.

Splurge: The cake. The couple wanted three tiers and they wanted it to taste good. They spent $ 200 - a major chunk of their budget - on an almond pound cake with buttercream frosting from the Main Ingredient. "For me, the cake was more important than the dinner," Ms. Parker said. "It's the last thing you eat."

Deborah and Rick Van den Berg

• Big Day: Nov. 20, 1998
  
• Budget: $ 23,000
  
• Guiding philosophy: Quality over quantity.
  
  

It would have been easy to let the guest list grow to more than 250 people, but the longtime Annapolis residents decided early on to tighten it to 155. Holding the wedding at the Kent Manor Inn - the sight of the couple's first dinner date - was a way to draw friends and family into a weekend-long celebration and meet their ultimate goal: "We wanted everybody to have a good time," Mrs. van den Berg said.

Bridal bargains: By getting married on a Friday evening rather than a Saturday, the couple saved $700. They choose in-season wildflowers, rather than $15 a hit lilies. They skipped both the limousine and wedding favors and received their honeymoon - a threeweek scuba diving trip to Roatan off Honduras - as a gift from a family member.

Splurge: The reception. At $60 per plate, it kept the guest list under control. "When I sat down and tallied it all up, I was shocked," Mrs. van den Berg said. "If someone had told me I'd spend that much I'd have said that's crazy. But it was so worth it."

Mature couples guard financial independence

While many couples getting married in their early twenties fret over details of the wedding reception, mature couples in their 40s and 50s have other worries. April's Kiplinger Personal Finance Magazine devotes a lengthy article to financial considerations of mature couples.

Couples who marry in their twenties, it says, may be just starting a Roth IRA. But at age 40 and beyond, individuals are "heading into [the] peak earning years," says Violet Woodhouse, a lawyer in Newport Beach, Cal., who specializes in family law. "We're more serious about saving, and more concerned about retirement and about what will happen to any children from previous marriages."

Other things to consider include protecting assets such as a business, an inheritance, property received in a divorce, or an investment portfolio. "And while spouses almost always have differing styles of money management," the magazine warns, "the longer individuals have been on their own and the more money they have, the more likely their habits have become ingrained and harder to merge."

Prenups are a good reality test for couples

It's easy for brides and grooms to get caught up in the romance of planning a wedding. Choosing a bridal gown and sampling wedding cake are just the type of activities that conjure up images of wedded bliss from here to eternity.

However, today's legal experts recommend that if if wedding bells are in your near future, you should prepare a prenuptial agreement -- even if you're not a celeb or a trust fund baby.

"Given today's divorce rate," one lawyer advises, "It's a good reality test. It can serve as a warning for more serious issues in the marriage."

However, they warn, even bringing up such a legal agreement is likely to create some relational strife. Some people, for example, interpret prenups as one person is thinking the marriage won't last and, in effect, is planning for its demise. They argue that it implies you don't trust each other.

But it's not true, says Vicki Fitzsimmons, associate professor of family and consumer economics at the University of Illinois. "It doesn't presume there'll be a divorce, because you're deciding these things ahead of time.''

Attorneys recommend a prenuptial contract especially if this is a second or subsequent marriage where either or both parties have assets they want to protect, particularly for their children. Even with a first marriage, if assets are unequal, the person with more may want to protect what he or she has.

With young people, if some of those assets have come from a trust fund or inheritance, some parents will encourage their adult child to get a marriage contract.

If your marriage does end in divorce, prenuptial contracts usually will be upheld in court if they have been properly witnessed and are considered fair to both parties.

The cost to draw up a marriage contract varies greatly, from $500 to five figures. While people can do their own, experts don't recommend it.

''You can do it yourself, but lack of knowledge often leaves room for dispute later,'' David says.

Tax tips for newlyweds

As April 15 draws near, it's time for many newlywed couples to file taxes together for the first time.

"It is important for married couples to know the advantages and disadvantages of filing jointly or filing separately," said Mike Trainor, president and CEO of Jackson Hewitt. "As a married couple, you have the choice to file married filing jointly or married filing separately. Before this decision is made, determine which status offers you the greatest tax advantage."

Married Filing Joint Return

• Couples find it most beneficial to file as "Married Filing Jointly."
  
• "Married Filing Jointly" will usually result in a lower tax liability.
  
• You may file a "Married Filing Jointly" return even if only one spouse has income.
  
• Couples report their combined income and deduct their combined allowable deductions.
  

Married Filing Separate Return

• If you and your spouse each have about the same income, as well as certain itemized deductions, "Married Filing Separately" may result in a lower tax liability.
  
• This status may be better if either spouse wants to be responsible only for his or her own tax liability.
  
• If the couple has been living apart during the last six months of the tax year, one spouse may qualify as head of household when certain conditions are met.
  

Divorced Persons

• State laws govern whether you are married, divorced, or legally separated under a decree of separate maintenance.
  
• If divorced under a final decree by the last day of the year, you are considered unmarried for the whole year.
  

Annulled Marriages

• You are considered unmarried for this and any previous tax years. You must amend your tax returns for all the tax years not affected by the statute of limitations to show this change in marital status.
  

New York tops list for expensive weddings locales

The New York metropolitan area is the nation's most expensive place to have a wedding, topping the national average by more than $ 10,000. The average cost of a wedding in the region (NY, NJ, CT) is a whopping $ 29,454 versus the U.S. average of $ 19,104.

The results are part of a national study conducted by BRIDE'S magazine on "American Marriage Today."

With wedding costs rising, it's no surprise that the father of the bride is no longer the sole financier of the wedding (19%). Most weddings (53%) are funded by both set of parents and the couple, with a significant number of nuptials (27%) paid for by the bride and groom themselves.

The study also found that contrary to popular belief, the month of May (10.3%) is equally as popular as June (10.3%) when it comes to getting married. Right behind are August (10.2%), July (10%), October (9.9%) and September (9.6%). The least popular month for nuptials is January (4.3%).

Here are additional results from BRIDE'S "American Marriage Today" study:

Marriage and Engagement

• There are 2.34 million marriages in the U.S. each year.
  
• The average length of engagement today is 13 months, an increase of two months since 1990.
  
• Men and women are marrying later. The average age of first-marriage brides in 1997 is 25.7; grooms is 27.7. In 1960, the average age of a bride was 20; groom was 22.
  
• More men are registering with their fiancees these days. Today, 78% of men get involved, compared to less than half (43%) in 1993.
  

Average Wedding Costs*

• - The Midwest (IL, MI, WI, IN) is the least expensive place to get married, costing couples an average of $ 16,195.
  
• A wedding in the Southeast (NC, SC, GA, FL TN, AL, MS, VA) costs an average of $ 16,293.
  
• A West Coast (CA, AZ, TX, NV) wedding is close to the national average at $ 18,918.
  
• Nationwide, the average cost of a wedding is $ 19,104, an increase of nearly $ 4,000 since 1990.
  

Couples are spending the largest portion of their wedding budget on the reception, which has gone up $ 1,735 to $ 7,635 for an average number of 200 guests. - Women spend an average of $ 823 on their wedding dress. The engagement rings grabs $ 3,044 of the wedding budget.

Dual-earner couples

• Today's newlyweds are more likely to be dual-earner couples. In 1984, only 53% of brides and 79% of grooms were employed. Today, 83% of brides and 89% of grooms are working.
  
• A whopping 97% of brides will return to work after walking down the aisle, though with a different name; 90% plan to take their husband's.
  

The Honeymoon

• The average amount spent on a honeymoon is $ 3,657 for an eight day trip.
  
• Most honeymoons are paid for by the couple themselves (70%).
  
• The most popular honeymoon travel destinations are: the Caribbean (27%); Hawaii (18%); Florida (17%); Mexico (10%); Bahamas/Nassau (9%); and Europe (8%).
  

A questionnaire was mailed to a random sample of 3,500 engaged/newlywed readers across the country. A total of 1,001 completed surveys were returned garnering a response rate of 29%. Karli Enterprises performed all tabulations.

(*) The categories used in compiling the average cost of a wedding include: invitations, announcements, thank-you's; flowers; photography and videography; music; clergy, church, chapel, synagogue fee; limousine; attendants' gifts; wedding rings; engagement ring; rehearsal dinner; wedding dress; headpiece/veil; brides attendant' apparel, mother of the bride apparel; groom's formalwear; men's formal wear; and wedding reception.

Wedding insurance dos and don'ts

First comes love, then comes marriage ... what's next?

With the average cost of a wedding rising almost 25 percent since 2000, couples will spend an average of $ 19,000 on their wedding. More newlyweds are now thinking of ways to "insure" their new life together, even if they can't ensure it.

There is a way to evaluate and plan for your financial future together before and after you walk down the aisle, according to the Western Insurance Information Service, a nonprofit consumer education organization.

Wedding insurance is offered in pre-set packages, or couples can tailor a policy to fit their specific needs. A standard package costs approximately $ 200 and covers the reception, photographs/video, special attire, medical, liability and other additional expenses.

Cancellation or postponement is covered up to $ 3,000, however, a change of heart is not covered. Many wedding insurance policies also cover jewelry in case the engagement or wedding rings are lost or stolen. After the wedding ceremony, as couples merge their lives together, they should also merge their insurance. Many insurers offer multipolicy discounts that can save couples money by combining auto insurance policies.

Since married couples are generally considered better driving risks than singles, they may also potentially save hundreds of dollars on their auto insurance policies. If a couple purchases homeowners insurance before the wedding, they get coverage not only for their new home, but also for their personal belongings and any wedding gifts they take on their honeymoon.

No matter what type of insurance policy a couple has, they need to update it to reflect a change in marital status to ensure they are not over- or underinsured.

June wedding showers? Give the gift of romance

Ah, the month of June. Four weeks. Four Saturdays ... which, for many, means four weddings. June is the most popular month for getting married, and it brings with it an endless round of parties, showers and receptions. In addition to powdered mints, the one thing all of these events have in common is the need for a gift. Traditionally this gift is something along the impersonal lines of a pan, a pillow case, or pair of serving tongs. This year, however, Romance Writers of America recommends adding a little fun and pizzazz to your right-off-the-registry gift: a romance novel.

Romance novels can be as insightful as any how-to book on love and passion, and a lot more fun than towels or juice glasses. Besides being great honeymoon reading, romance novels put and keep readers in the mood for a wedding celebration -- because so many of their plots, settings and characters feature that joyous wedding time. Weddings and brides are great inspiration for romance authors, and they inspire the reader in return.

"As a romance author, I've always found writing about brides, and those first few months of marriage, particularly appealing," says Day Leclaire, RWA member and author of 12 romance novels featuring brides. "There's an innate source of tension and conflict that comes from exploring the early days of married life. The give and take. The scary newness of the relationship. The gradual blending of strengths and weaknesses that comes when the love is real and the desire to commit runs deep."

But you don't have to be a bride yourself to enjoy a romance novel featuring a wedding. Anyone can celebrate the great wedding month of June simply by enjoying a fabulous bride or wedding romance novel. "Brides remind us of first love, of the intense passion we've all experienced when the intensity of our emotions were young and fresh," says Leclaire. "Brides, in particular, offer the image of innocence and new beginnings, of a burgeoning love we've all known and still hold dear, or which we long to recapture. A bride is at the start of her journey and even the most cynical among us can't help but hope that she succeeds where others have failed, that her life will be filled with happiness and a soul-deep, forever-after love. We know that this one story will end well, that this particular man and woman will triumph over adversity. Such a story rejuvenates us. It brightens the darkness that all too often can seep into our days," she says.

Romance Writers of America recommends these bride or wedding romances to brighten your June, or the wedding day of the bride on your gift list: "Scottish Brides" (Avon Books-June '99), "Holiday Honeymoons (Harlequin-June 99), "The Wedding Gamble by Julia Justiss (Harlequin-June '99) or the classic "Brides" trilogy from Catherine Coulter.

Paintball offers tame bachelor party alternative

It's 2007 and along with all the other changes our society is seeing, the age old bachelor party is moving away from strippers and poker games and into the realm of good old fashioned camaraderie. Paintball is offering the latest trend for pre-wedding jitters.

Over four million people play this outdoor version of "Capture the Flag" every year worldwide. Started back in 1981 in the woods of New Hampshire, the game has truly come into its own this past decade.

"It sure beats the saga of too much booze, too much 'skin', and too many cigars that bachelor parties have over-indulged in for the past few decades," commented Chris Soltesz, a recent groom himself.

More and more men are now booking the ultimate bachelor party for their best friends. Twenty-five or more participants come out for an afternoon of playing hide and seek and shoot'em up, then complete the event with a cookout and lots of war stories.

It's the 21st century and time for even the rituals of bachelor parties to take on a new look. "Both men and women have had it with the bachelor parties of the past and are thrilled to have a viable option that appeals to everyone," says Debra Dion Krischke owner of Three Rivers Paintball in Pittsburgh.

"I'm on a one woman crusade to change bachelor parties forever and believe me it's an easy sell!" quotes Krischke.

Look for paintball magazines on the newsstands to find a location nearest you. Paintball games -- the newest approach to bachelor parties where "Survival" is the name of the game. "Isn't that what marriage is really all about?" asks Krischke.

Bridal showers everyone will love

Bridal showers have traditionally been dainty affairs celebrated by the bride-to-be and her closest female friends and relatives. And for some brides, this type of demure celebration is perfect. What bride doesn't enjoy an afternoon luncheon of salad and sweets, and gifts wrapped in silvery paper?

However, many of today's brides are also interested in something a bit more innovative and interactive. They (or their grooms) may yearn for power tools and garden hoses. They may want to include the groom in the festivities. Whatever type of shower you are craving, remember that there's not limit to the creativity.

TOOL Showers

Inform your guest that in order to show up at this fabulous party, they need to bring a tool Instead of serving a light luncheon featuring salad and petit fours, consider a menu featuring crab and beer at a tool shower. Gift ideas include screwdrivers, socket sets, wrenches, levels, a drill set, and hammers. Also popular is a Home Improvement 1-2-3, a fix-it book by Home
Depot experts.

STOCK THE BAR Showers

Invite guests to this evening celebration, and let the party begin. You may serve a variety of wines and cheeses, followed by an elegant fondue. Gift ideas include cork screws, bottles of wine, wine rack, party supplies, and chip and dish platters.

HONEYMOON Showers

Every bride and groom could benefit from a shower focused on their fabulous vacation after the wedding. The party could be in the afternoon or evening and feature food from the honeymoon destination -- Greek, Italian, Hawaiian, Caribbean, or All-American. Gift ideas include Waterproof cameras, maps and travel diaries.

KITCHEN Shower

Create a decorated recipe box. Each guest brings four favorite recipes on index cards, along with his or her gift, to the shower. The gift might be a utensil, pot or baking dish used to prepare the recipe. The recipe box will then become a joint shower gift.

TEA PARTY

Martha Stewart has some terrific ideas how to make an afternoon tea party into a memorable affair. Serve an assortment of tea sandwiches and sweets on elegant china. For place cards, she suggests removing the tags from tea bags and replacing them with small handwritten name tags, and put a tea bag into an empty cup at each guest's place. For a bride who already has everything, ask each guest to bring an interesting or antique teacup instead of a more traditional gift.

CAMPING Shower

Have an outdoor barbecue or social gathering for friends and relatives. At these events, the future bride and groom mingle to meet and introduce everyone. Gifts at this casual affair might include flash lights, camping chairs, first aid kit.

WORKPLACE Shower

Save time and convenience. These can come in the form of an extended lunch at an area restaurant. Usually the boss is invited, and co-workers treat the future bride to lunch. A collection can be taken up at the office for a cake and gift.

MULTICULTURAL Shower

The hostess assigns everyone a country and ask them to find a gift that represented that country.

AROUND THE HOUSE Shower

Assign a room of the house to each guest asking her to buy a gift for that room.

SEASONAL Shower

Guests are assigned a season and bring gifts that correspond.

CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT Shower

Display a Christmas tree. Each guest brings an ornament or other tree decoration as a shower gift; hang the ornaments on the tree as they are opened.

HEIRLOOM Shower

Display old wedding gowns. Have your guests dig out their old wedding gowns to put on display at the center of your party decor.

AROUND-THE-CLOCK Shower

Each gift should match the aligned time of day. "Morning gifts" can include a coffee maker or alarm clock, for example.

Just ask Martha Stewart

When it comes to what's appropriate and what's not in wedding flowers, you should definitely take a look Martha Stewart's web site (www.marthastewart.com) . The so-called high priestess of high priestess of "all that's tasteful, chic and "good," is largely responsible for many of today's bridal trends.

"Brides come in with pictures of the flowers they want," says Brad Higginson, a florist speaking on behalf of ASF, a North American florist's association. "Often, it's the blown rose in muted colors. That's the trend."

Stewart's website is full of exquisite pictures of bouquet arrangements with ideas ranging from an old-fashioned red-rose bouquet to a heart wreath. It's definitely worth the click.

For brides who are interested in knowing what flowers are appropriate for each season, you should check out her Seasonal Flower Chart. Martha's staff has divided the list by regions in the United State. For example, summer brides in the Eastern part of the US might choose an Asiatic lily or black-eyed Susan to feature in their bouquet.