Flowers tell the story of your wedding

Florists say that planning a wedding is like telling a story. Flowers are the artistic touches that set the tone for the way the story unfolds. Brides who have a long cascade of flowers, like Princess Diana, create an opulent drama for the day. Likewise, brides who choose a simple rosebud bouquet set a tone of elegance by their simplicity.

For today's bride, that story seems to be set in the past as many seek a simple, more classic look not just for their gowns, but for the flowers that will accent them. Experts say most brides today want a nosegay bouquet,often with a mixture of colors.

Some brides have firmly planted ideas about which flowers to use. But for those willing to experiment, florists can create a colorful mix using flowers like calla lilies, gerbera daisies, spray roses, cymbidium orchids, stargazer lilies and cattleya orchids. Still others prefer the rose. Nearly 75% of brides will feature this lovely flower in their bouquets.

Financial good sense

With the wedding season well underway, many couples are turning their attention from catering plans and invitation lists to life after the honeymoon. Unfortunately, for most couples heading down the aisle this year, planning the wedding may end up being easier than planning their financial future.

Financial planners at Harris Bank are urging couples to take time during their engagement to discuss how finances will affect their future plans. More than 1,163,000 couples filed for divorce in 1997, the most recent year statistics are available, and disagreements over finances played a key role. Surveys indicate that more than 70 percent of couples do not discuss finances before marriage.

Financial planners agree that money is one of the most difficult topics for couples to discuss because the way personal finances are managed can reveal a great deal about an individual's values and goals. Having discussions about spending habits, debt and budgets even before the
engagement stage can save couples a lot of difficulty when the honeymoon's over.

"Money causes problems in marriage because it indicates where our real values lie," said Skip Gianopulos, vice president of financial planning services and head of one of the country's most comprehensive financial planning groups. "Successful financial planning comes down to one of the hallmarks of a stable marriage -- honesty. Couples have problems when one person is trying to hide something from the other, so full financial disclosure between partners is always the right way to begin."

The money management habits of most people are strongly influenced by the way their parents saved and spent money. Most people fall into two categories: those who spend and those who save.

"Couples planning to marry should write down their individual financial goals and prioritize them," said Gianopulos. "Then they should discuss what financial goals they have in common and build on them. After that, everything becomes a matter of negotiation and compromise, much like the marriage itself."

After comparing priorities, short- and long-term goals should be determined. Short-term goals could include anything from saving for vacations and a new car, to buying a computer or buying a piece of furniture. Long-term goals may include purchasing a home or allocating money
for college tuition. Income can be set aside for each set of goals by establishing a plan.

Gianopulos suggests that newlyweds establish a "spending plan" rather than a budget. The spending plan should take into consideration established monthly expenses to be paid for from a joint account to which both partners contribute.

After deducting money allocated for retirement, designate money for rent/mortgage, utilities, car payments and other expenses that must be paid every month; set money aside for short- and long-term financial goals, and money that will be discretionary.

"It's also very important that both partners have their own bank accounts and money to retain some of their personal spending freedom," he said.

According to Gianopulos, "rainy day" and "sunshine" funds also should be established for emergencies and adventures. "It's always nice to take a spur- of-the-moment trip and not have to worry about it having a detrimental effect on your finances for months to come."

Gianopulos also suggested three ways that couples can protect themselves in case of tragedy:

• Consult with the employer's human resources representative to make
  sure that the beneficiary designations are correct on your employee benefits
  such as life insurance, pension plans and 401(k) plan.
  
  
• Change beneficiary designations on your IRA accounts and other life
  insurance policies.
  
  
• See a lawyer to have wills drafted. These can be very simple at
  first, but they are very important, especially if there are children from
  previous marriages, inheritances or trust powers to be handled.
  

Do-it-yourself weddings save a bundle

It's no secret that weddings are big business. Gowns and bridesmaid's dresses alone account for more than $1.3 billion changing hands yearly, according to Individual Investor magazine. But while a gown becomes top priority approximately five seconds after a woman says "yes," there are countless other details to consider. Unless a couple is independently wealthy or pays strict attention to the mounting costs, impending nuptials can lead to impending debt.

Fortunately, the do-it-yourself concept that raised an entire industry, from hardware conglomerates like Home Depot to lifestyle guru's like Martha Stewart, is a viable solution for controlling wedding costs. Adding personal touches to the affair is an affordable way to design an elegant wedding.

"It (the do-it-yourself approach) is important, which is why we have more than gown patterns in our bridal line," says Emily Cohen, manager of education and promotion for McCall's Pattern Company. McCall's offers a veil package (#2057) with eight designs plus a pattern for accessories (#2058) includes a ring bearer's pillow, shoe clips, floral arrangements and gift ideas. Cohen suggests the bride use leftover lace from her gown to make various accessories; it saves on expenses and ties the whole theme together.

A truly memorable ceremony is one that reflects you and your future spouses' individual taste and is not a cookie cutter event struggling to include all the trappings. Taking control of the details and relying on your own talent will allow you, as a couple, to set a realistic budget and actually meet it. In many cases, you can also enlist skilled friends and family members.

Sue Hausmann, senior vice president of consumer motivation and education for Viking Sewing Machines Inc., and her husband Herb worked together on their future daughter-in-law's wedding gown. After the bride-to-be presented them with a magazine clipping of a dress she liked, Herb set to work using PC software from Husqvarna Viking and created a-one-of-a-kind embroidery for the waistband of the dress and her veil. Sue then constructed the gown, adapting the sleeves to give the bride exactly what she had envisioned.

"The gown will become a family heirloom and the fact I was able to embroider the accents allows me to contribute to its heritage as well," says Herb Hausmann.

Whether you and your husband-to-be passions are sewing, flower arranging or calligraphy, there are a myriad of ways to incorporate the do-it-yourself (or do-it-with-loved ones) concept into creating a cost-effective wedding to remember.

Consider the following:

• First things first. Pick a date other than the second Saturday in June. In all likelihood, the more popular dates will run into higher costs for halls, musicians, photographers and caterers. A weekday in the winter or even a Friday evening in the summer could translate into significant discounts.
  
  
• It's inviting. Take a course in calligraphy and design your own announcements, shower invitations and thank you notes.
  
  
• An intimate affair. Is it really necessary that you include the new girl in accounting or the guy that details your fiancee's car? Pare down your invitation list and share the day with those closest to the two of you.
  
  
• Timing is everything. Lunch menus at hotels and banquet halls are generally less expensive than dinner menus. Why not have a mid-morning wedding with an afternoon luncheon? Your honeymoon could start that much sooner.
  
  
• Take advantage of that green thumb. You won't be able to spend the evening before your wedding making bouquets, but nowhere is it written that you can't supply your own flowers. There is endless potential in a spring bulb garden, a lilac bush or even ferns and ivy. And while you may want a full bouquet, a single iris or lily works beautifully for attendants. For a fall wedding, consider pumpkins and colorful leaves as table decorations. Be creative.
  
  
  
• Something borrowed. Don't take this tradition lightly. Family treasures including cake toppers, champagne flutes, jewelry or even a veil depending on its condition not only saves money, they add a touch of sentiment to the affair.
  
  
• Consider a local college. Universities can be a virtual gold mine of talent. Many aspiring photographers, musicians and singers will jump at the chance for real-life experience and charge less than professionals.
  
  
• Constructive thinking. Today's wedding gowns are predominately clean-line silhouettes with touches of embellishment. A sprinkling of pearls or embroidered sash is trim enough for a sophisticated look. Translation: there's very little keeping you from constructing your own gown or having one made. Computerized sewing machines with embroidery capabilities, like the mid-priced Husqvarna Viking Rose, enable you to design or select specific embroideries to grace not only your gown, but also every element of your wedding. On her web site, www.bridal.com, Alicyn Wright, bridal designer for McCall's Pattern Company shares information on selecting fabrics, construction and appropriate styles for individual figure types, as well as tips for making each one of the McCall's patterns she designed.
  
  
• Sew much more. Once the machine is set up, consider personalizing gifts such as linen guest towels for the wedding party. Cover an inexpensive journal with scraps from your gown to serve as a guest book. Create an envelope purse or Victorian-look drawstring bag to elegantly carry a few bridal essentials. The ring bearer's pillow, the garter, even the flower's girl dress can be made, again carrying the same embellishments accenting your
  dress, instead of purchased for a significant savings.
  

Heading to the altar for a second wedding?

When Beth Reed Ramirez, a sales and marketing professional who lives in Anaheim, Calif., was planning her second wedding, she had a difficult time finding information for women like her.

While there are hundreds of publication dedicated to brides and grooms, she says in here opening essay: "I discovered, much to my dismay, that they offered very little for the soon-to-be-40, not-a-size-6 encore bride like me," she writes in her magazine's opening essay.

Bride Again has photos of ladies in white and stories on fashion and beauty (such as "The Fountain of Youth" and "Ageless Beauty Tips"). But it also delves into etiquette, finance and legal issues. Can an encore bride-to-be have a shower if she had one for her first wedding? (Yes, says BA, but don't expect gifts from guests who were there the first time around.) Other deep dish: combining two households, writing your own pre-nups and considering the kids.

Bridal budgets: average wedding costs $19,000

Last year, newlyweds spent an average of $19,000 on everything from their engagement ring to the honeymoon, according to Brides magazine. Such averages can be misleading, however, since every wedding carries the signature of its bride and groom. Where one couple might skimp on flowers and food and put most of the $19,000 into music and favors for 300, another could serve 50 first-class and save the rest for a trip to Jamaica.

"Some brides don't care about anything but the (disc jockey)," said one wedding consultant. "What I've found is that what couples decide to invest in says a lot about who they are as a couple."

Here's how some couples set priorities for a wedding day that would set the tone for a happy lifetime together:

Alecia Parker and John Jewitt

• Big day: Jan. 2, 1999
  
• Budget: $ 5,500
  
• Guiding philosophy: Simple elegance
  

With six members of the grooms family traveling to the wedding from his home country of England, the couple wanted to showcase cultural traditions of both nations. Keeping the wedding small helped to keep the British-American representation in check. Holding the wedding and reception at the James Brice House fit the bill, not only for its Colonial American significance, but also be cause Ms. Parker - an employee of the Historic Annapolis Foundation - was able to rent it at a discount.

Bridal bargains: The No. 1 moneysaver was the fact that Ms. Parker's brother volunteered to cater the event, followed closely by the fact that the couple kept their guest list to 50. A friend designed the floral arrangements using seasonal flora from her front yard. The couple opted for a $ 650 photography package with fewer photographs and smaller prints.

Splurge: The cake. The couple wanted three tiers and they wanted it to taste good. They spent $ 200 - a major chunk of their budget - on an almond pound cake with buttercream frosting from the Main Ingredient. "For me, the cake was more important than the dinner," Ms. Parker said. "It's the last thing you eat."

Deborah and Rick Van den Berg

• Big Day: Nov. 20, 1998
  
• Budget: $ 23,000
  
• Guiding philosophy: Quality over quantity.
  
  

It would have been easy to let the guest list grow to more than 250 people, but the longtime Annapolis residents decided early on to tighten it to 155. Holding the wedding at the Kent Manor Inn - the sight of the couple's first dinner date - was a way to draw friends and family into a weekend-long celebration and meet their ultimate goal: "We wanted everybody to have a good time," Mrs. van den Berg said.

Bridal bargains: By getting married on a Friday evening rather than a Saturday, the couple saved $700. They choose in-season wildflowers, rather than $15 a hit lilies. They skipped both the limousine and wedding favors and received their honeymoon - a threeweek scuba diving trip to Roatan off Honduras - as a gift from a family member.

Splurge: The reception. At $60 per plate, it kept the guest list under control. "When I sat down and tallied it all up, I was shocked," Mrs. van den Berg said. "If someone had told me I'd spend that much I'd have said that's crazy. But it was so worth it."

Mature couples guard financial independence

While many couples getting married in their early twenties fret over details of the wedding reception, mature couples in their 40s and 50s have other worries. April's Kiplinger Personal Finance Magazine devotes a lengthy article to financial considerations of mature couples.

Couples who marry in their twenties, it says, may be just starting a Roth IRA. But at age 40 and beyond, individuals are "heading into [the] peak earning years," says Violet Woodhouse, a lawyer in Newport Beach, Cal., who specializes in family law. "We're more serious about saving, and more concerned about retirement and about what will happen to any children from previous marriages."

Other things to consider include protecting assets such as a business, an inheritance, property received in a divorce, or an investment portfolio. "And while spouses almost always have differing styles of money management," the magazine warns, "the longer individuals have been on their own and the more money they have, the more likely their habits have become ingrained and harder to merge."

Prenups are a good reality test for couples

It's easy for brides and grooms to get caught up in the romance of planning a wedding. Choosing a bridal gown and sampling wedding cake are just the type of activities that conjure up images of wedded bliss from here to eternity.

However, today's legal experts recommend that if if wedding bells are in your near future, you should prepare a prenuptial agreement -- even if you're not a celeb or a trust fund baby.

"Given today's divorce rate," one lawyer advises, "It's a good reality test. It can serve as a warning for more serious issues in the marriage."

However, they warn, even bringing up such a legal agreement is likely to create some relational strife. Some people, for example, interpret prenups as one person is thinking the marriage won't last and, in effect, is planning for its demise. They argue that it implies you don't trust each other.

But it's not true, says Vicki Fitzsimmons, associate professor of family and consumer economics at the University of Illinois. "It doesn't presume there'll be a divorce, because you're deciding these things ahead of time.''

Attorneys recommend a prenuptial contract especially if this is a second or subsequent marriage where either or both parties have assets they want to protect, particularly for their children. Even with a first marriage, if assets are unequal, the person with more may want to protect what he or she has.

With young people, if some of those assets have come from a trust fund or inheritance, some parents will encourage their adult child to get a marriage contract.

If your marriage does end in divorce, prenuptial contracts usually will be upheld in court if they have been properly witnessed and are considered fair to both parties.

The cost to draw up a marriage contract varies greatly, from $500 to five figures. While people can do their own, experts don't recommend it.

''You can do it yourself, but lack of knowledge often leaves room for dispute later,'' David says.