Types of Wedding Ceremonies: Japanese

In North America, most Japanese are quite Westernized, so they tend to favor church weddings that follow the customary Western traditions. In Japan, however, while Western-style weddings are popular, there are more traditional Japanese elements involved, and the marriage rituals vary from place to place, family to family, and class to class.

In Japan, there are four basic types of wedding ceremonies: Shinto (the native Japanese religion), Buddhist, Christian, and non-religious. The wedding ceremonies are not, however, called Shinto weddings or Christian weddings; in Japan, they are referred to as Shinto-style weddings and Christian-style weddings. This is because the religion of a wedding ceremony is often just a "style" and may not reflect the beliefs of the people involved.

The most traditional wedding ceremony is the Shinto-style ceremony that includes only the immediate families, the nakoudo (the go-betweens who arranged for the couple to meet, like matchmakers), and the priest. The bride wears a white kimono with a fancy headpiece while the groom wears a black kimono with a striped hakama (almost skirt-like pants) and a black jacket. The ceremony includes some readings and the drinking of nine sips of sake, three each from each of three cups. There is a belief in Shinto that three is a lucky number; the nine sips (3 x 3) is a ritual for good luck.

Historically, there has been a strong tendency for the Shinto and Buddhist religions to mix. That is why you would see a lot of similar things when you visit a Shinto shrine or a Buddhist temple. At the Buddhist-style wedding ceremony, a monk officiates. The ceremony involves juzu prayer beads (like a rosary, but shorter) and some placing of incense.

At a Christian-style wedding, the dress is the same as in the West, with brides in white gowns and grooms in tuxedos. These ceremonies, most likely based on Protestant services, are often held in dedicated wedding facilities that look like churches but are not real, active parishes. In such locations, the particular denomination of the officiator probably makes little difference. The church wedding, for most Japanese, is chosen just because they like the image of it.

The official reception, the hiroen, is held in a hotel or other banquet facility. This event may be attended by: friends of the couple and of the family; the couple's colleagues and bosses; former teachers; and generally anybody with some social standing relative to the couple. There may be a hundred or so guests. Walking into the lobby outside the banquet hall, guests will find a reception table where they check in. Here, guests hand in an envelope containing a gift of money; people don't give gifts of merchandise at the wedding. The money should be in a particular kind of envelope decorated with gold cord tied in a particular kind of knot. Be careful. The writing and the type of knot on the envelope is different for weddings and funerals. The envelopes are purchased ready-made. The amount of cash depends on the guest's relationship to the couple. Friends may give 30,000 yen (approx. US$300), while older, richer relatives or bosses may give 50,000 yen. Apparently, odd numbers (e.g., 3 for 30,000 or 5 for 50,000) are considered luckier or somehow better, perhaps because an even number can be divided into two, something considered inappropriate for a marriage. Guests also receive a gift, usually pretty expensive, as they leave.

After the official reception, an informal party, the nijikai, is held at a restaurant. This is more for the friends of the couple and will include a wider circle of people. Generally, the bride and groom wear an evening dress and suit for this low-key affair.