Quakers, also called "Friends," do not participate in what would be considered typical Protestant services. In fact, Quakers do not use the words "ceremony" or "memorial." Instead, a service is called a "meeting." At the meeting house, Quakers worship in silent contemplation with punctuations of ministry from the participants as the spirit moves them to speak out loud. There is little formal structure to the meetings, and their length can vary, depending on the amount of ministry, from less than an hour to many hours.
When a couple decides to marry, the meeting is called "a meeting for worship for the celebration of marriage," the emphasis being placed on the idea of worship. Many Quaker meeting houses will provide non-Quakers with pamphlets describing the mode of service and history of the group. The meeting resembles a regular Quaker meeting until the point at which the man and woman wishing to marry feel that the moment is appropriate and they stand and declare their intention to marry. They make their vows to each other and are married by God. They then sign an often elaborately decorated copy of their declaration, which is then read aloud to family, friends, and members of the meeting house. A period of silence follows, during which participants pray for God's blessing for the couple. Anyone may rise during this time and speak in ministry. The meeting closes with the shaking of hands. "Afterwards, everyone signs the certificate," says Elmay Kirkpatrick of the Toronto Monthly Meeting. "There is a space left blank for people to sign because they all in fact were witnesses to the marriage." The couple must, however, follow up by signing a civil marriage certificate.
Most couples do not dress up for the service, nor are wedding rings a formal part of the ceremony. However, some couples today do introduce these elements.
For a look at the past, the Friends Meeting House, built in 1699, at Farewell and Marlborough streets in Newport, Rhode Island, is possibly the oldest Friends meeting house in America. (One or two others might compete for that distinction, but their dates are less clear.) According to Ron Potvin, curator of manuscripts at the Newport Historical Society, when a Quaker couple decided to marry, the man and woman "joined hands before the congregation and stated their intention to be married. It was more of a civil ceremony than a religious one. That's because Quakers did not believe in sacraments as other faiths do. It was contrary to the beliefs of Catholicism, where everything had to be sanctified by God through an elaborate ceremony. One of the basic beliefs of Protestantism was that people had an individual relationship with God that didn't require priests and sacraments. Newport, in its religious toleration (there were about 20 different Christian denominations here as well as Jews), was an extension of the Protestant Reformation in Europe."
The Quakers' custom of plainness also can be observed at the Friends' Meeting House located in Old Sturbridge Village in Sturbridge, Massachusetts. The building, which dates back to 1796, is typical in its deliberate lack of ornamentation. There are plain wooden pews, wood floors and windows, but the room is devoid of ornaments, drapery, or even symbols on the walls.
It's important to note that the Quakers should not be confused with the Shakers, who believed in celibacy. In the late-1700s, a small group of dissident English Quakers, noted for their trembling and shaking movements when they were moved by the spirit, became known as the Shaking Quakers, hence the name the Shakers.
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