While same-sex marriages are not legally recognized in the United States or Canada, many churches will perform same-gender commitment ceremonies. However, the willingness to provide such services can vary within the denomination, so couples need to check with the individual congregation. Some of the denominations that have held ceremonies for same-gender couples include: American Baptist, Buddhist, Dignity USA, Quaker (Society of Friends), Reconstructionist Jewish, Reformed Catholic Church (USA), Unitarian, United Church of Canada, United Church of Christ and Metropolitan Community Church.
The Metropolitan Community Church, in particular, was founded in 1968 to administer to the spiritual needs of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community. There are approximately 300 Metropolitan Community churches in 18 countries.
The unions are usually called commitment ceremonies rather than weddings because these ceremonies currently do not grant any of the legal privileges of marriage, but they do serve as a way for gay couples to publicly acknowledge their love. In some States in the US and provinces in Canada, the couple can register as "domestic partners," which is helpful if you are employed by an organization that offers domestic-partner benefits.
When referring to the event, the term "same-gender marriage" is most appropriate (based on the wording in the rights decision by the Hawaii Supreme Court); avoid using the terms "gay marriage" and "homosexual marriage."
Invitations can be phrased in many ways. Some examples would be: "The A and B Families welcome you in celebrating the love between..." or "A and B request the pleasure of your presence to celebrate their commitment..."
The most visible difference between a same-gender wedding and a heterosexual wedding is the absence of traditional roles. There are neither "brides" nor "grooms," but "partners," "spouses" or "newlyweds," so the couple is referred to as such and the terms "bridal shower" and "stag party" are inappropriate. Instead, a party for one of the prospective partners is called a "premarital celebration." Guests still bring wedding gifts for the newlyweds, and often close friends or family will know if the couple has jointly registered for gifts at a department-store registry.
To begin the ceremony, the couple may walk up the aisle together, may approach the altar from opposite sides or can even be escorted up the aisle by their respective parents or friends. Personal preference will dictate the dress code--a lesbian couple may choose, for instance, for both women to wear bridal gowns. At the end of a partnership ceremony, the officiator may proclaim the couple "life partners, with the blessing of God's love."
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